


Starlit Seas & Subconscious Sunflowers

by ArchiveOsprey



Series: Soleil Spice [1]
Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angsty spice, City of Stars reference, Dreams, Everything I write is an emotional rollercoaster, F/M, Forbidden Friendship, Forbidden Love, Here’s to the fools who dream, KyWi appreciation, Oneshot, Pain & Pianos, Piano Pining, References to La La Land (2016), Self indulgent KyWi spice turned into self inflicted suffering, So much spice somehow didn’t kill Williame nice, Soleil Spice, Soleil Spice? More like Soleil Suffering, Somehow aesthetically pleasing, Stars, Subconscious spice, Sunflowers, Symbolism 101, Thanks Weary Will episode I didn’t need my heart anyways, What a waste of a lovely night!LauKi for 2 seconds, Williame POV, fool’s gold, go away Stefan nobody likes you, subconscious sentiment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArchiveOsprey/pseuds/ArchiveOsprey
Summary: Kym’s starlit gaze stared deep into his. Not quite a sunflower yellow, not quite nearly the same as Lauren’s pensive gold, more like a fool’s gold, shining with mischief - and Williame Hawkes was the fool for conjuring this falsified fantasy in the first place, his fingers fumbling, fiddling when they lost their purpose on the piano, faltering slightly as she studied him in his subconscious.Was he running out of time?Would these dreams ever become reality?Another day, another dream.Here’s to the fools who dream.
Relationships: Kywi - Relationship, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White (background), William Hawkes & Kym Ladell, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell, Williame Hawkes x Kym Ladell
Series: Soleil Spice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009368
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Starlit Seas & Subconscious Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

> Starlit Seas & Subconscious Sunflowers
> 
> Part of the Soleil Spice Series: A KyWi Collaboration by various Ph Fanfic Writers ☀️
> 
> Reference: City of Stars (La La Land)

Williame Hawkes looked out the window, fingers poised above his piano, perfect posture shifting as he glanced up at the stars. He began to play at a light tune, complementing the lovely night outside, a prisoner in his own estate. His sky blue eyes flickered as a woman in a yellow dress with red hair twirled by, a man with a top hat atop raven black curls tied back with a white ribbon grabbing onto a lamppost, teeth flashing in a grin, a hand flourishing to the sky as he drawled something in a dramatic fashion to his partner. Indoors and separated by a window, he couldn’t hear a word they were saying, and he wasn’t one for reading lips. His mother always told him to look people in the eyes when they spoke to show he understood them, and his father always told him to do the same but primarily out of respect. 

As the woman turned around, gesturing to the stars with her hands in exasperation, he got a better look at her and could tell it was none other but his childhood friend, Lauren Sinclair, and as he peered at the man nonchalantly spinning around the lamppost, shoes tapping on the ground, he noticed it was the archivist from he precinct she said she had been dating.

It was startling seeing him without his glasses, dancing under the moon with her, both their eyes glinting with whatever mischief they were getting up to. Lauren’s lips twisted in a smile as she crossed her arms, heels clicking on the cobblestones as she rolled her eyes, regarding Kieran with amusement as he leaned against the lamppost, hands gesturing about as he explained something, grinning back at her.

He continued playing the song, but then shifted it into a variation of Clair de Lune.

Lauren laughed at something he said, looking so free, Kieran stepping down and taking her hand, twirling her. She whispered something in his ear and he raised his hands as she stepped away, flipping her hair with a hand and turning on him, smirking. He sauntered after her, saying something Williame couldn’t decipher. She looked at him over her shoulder, golden eyes meeting electric blue, a shared intensity simmering between them. 

They disappeared from view, and he began to play a more solemn tone on the piano, trying to chase away the thoughts that had haunted him the evening after the dinner with his father, the conversation with his ailing mother. 

_*Is that you, Rafael?*_

His fingers flew across the keys, pressing down harder on them to create a dramatic * _doom_ *, shuddering at the recollection of his father’s words of * _Darcy girls_ * and * _status_ * and promotions. His father criticized him for not working hard enough, as if he didn’t constantly endure the strife of perpetually trying to be perfect, his father probably just expecting him to become Chief of Police by now, upholding his * _legacy_ *. Not only that, but he had regarded Williame’s mother’s life as something unsalvageable, as forfeit, as if he could just * _give up*_ on her.

Williame’s shoulders hunched as he continued playing the piano, his soul shed through its sorrowful song.

Even so far as to insult Lauren, one of his closest friends. Even so far as to practically arrange a date with a girl he hardly knew, only due to her status. It was a miracle Lauren had been demoted, or maybe his father would’ve tried to set him up with _her._ That would’ve been much more devastating to their friendship than Stefan’s attempts to keep him far away from her. 

He gritted his teeth, closing his eyes. 

The notes repeated in a pattern sounding awfully similar to how Williame always caved, always obeyed, always submitted, surrendered, bowed to whatever Stefan demanded of him. *Yes fa-ther yes fa-ther* The rhythm helped ease his rage, but it was followed by exhaustion that made his playing labored, harsher. 

His desperate plea played out amongst the piano, * _I believe these things shouldn’t be rushed.*_

Docile Darcy. * _Poised_ *, * _proper_ ,* * _perfect_.* Just like everything expected of him in his life... all a game of pretend. 

Except... 

He relaxed, took a breath, eyes falling shut as his flexible, elegant fingers gently shifted the song to a lighter one. 

_{City of Stars}_

If he had his choice..

His lips curved into a soft, sad smile, eyes opening as he looked up at the stars, unshed silver tears brimming in his subtle but bright blue eyes, fingers bouncing over the keys into a melody that felt melancholy but light hearted, like the feeling of happiness and rejoice after going through hell and back, like salvation after suffering through the worst of storms. 

Changeable as the seasons, not just the same dull tune, but a myriad of music and life, the warmth of the sun, the ticking of a watch, the beauty of a sunflower, incorporating the bits of the lullaby, interweaving it with other elements to create a beautiful song that reminded him of * _her_.* 

_{Are you shining just for me?}_

His hand lifted, index finger playing a final note, a high note, a happy note, a hopeful note, the city of stars in the sky watching on.

_{City of Stars}_

_Kym_....

_{There's so much that I can't see}_

He leaned forward slightly, closing his eyes and holding his head in his hands, shaking his head with a sigh, elbows striking discordant chords as they propped up on the piano, making him wince. 

_{Who knows?}_

Would he really be forced to marry some doe-eyed girl? Would he have to endure giving a pained smile at Kym each day at the precinct, knowing his heart belonged to her while wearing a silver band on his ring finger? He didn’t want just someone in the crowd with a status and a pretty smile, he didn’t want someone who made him feel as if he were forced into a cage like a bluebird wanting to break free, rather … he wanted someone who gave him the wings to fly, someone he could find a mutual understanding with, someone who made him feel…free. 

_{That now our dreams may finally come true}_

_Like Kym…_

Oh, even in the best of circumstances, Williame Hawkes knew that could never be. Maybe in another world… perhaps if he worked harder, perhaps if he fixed things- 

_You don’t always need to fix everything, Will._

He sighed, tilting his head back, his heart throbbing in his chest. He would handle it. He always would. 

_{City of stars}_

How would she react... if he brought her here... played piano for a while, let her hear... what would she say, what would she do, would she tease him for being the most sentimental perfectionist she’d ever met? Slap him across the face and tell him to stop restraining himself, tell him to stop pretending, tell him to live a little?

Or would she stay silent and listen to his soul on display for her to see? 

Was he running out of time? 

_{Just one thing everybody wants}_

He could imagine it… vividly playing out… a party, perhaps, at his house, lots of strained smiles and forced formalities, everyone finally going home, except for Kym, who stuck around for a bit, Kym admiring all the books on his bookshelves and challenging him to make a campfire out of them or something. They really understood one another too well for their own good. 

_{It's love}_

Would these dreams ever become reality? 

_{Yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else}_

He ran his hand through his golden hair restlessly, trying to imagine a specific scenario to distract himself from the future dread, think of Kym leaning against his piano, or perhaps perched precariously upon it, smirking at him as he self consciously adjusted his tie, finishing an upbeat song he titled “ _Watermelon Waves”_ but instead told her the name was “Ocean Days”... for ..obvious reasons… he blushed slightly at the thought alone. 

Kym’s subconscious starlit gaze stared deep into his. Not quite a sunflower yellow, not quite nearly the same as Lauren’s pensive gold, more like a fool’s gold, shining with mischief - and Williame Hawkes was the fool for conjuring this fantasy in the first place, his fingers fumbling, fiddling when they lost their purpose on the piano, faltering slightly as she studied him. 

“I still need to practice, but I’m pretty proud of this one.”   
  


“Well I think you’re an excellent piano player,” she cut him off, beaming at him, “and I loved it!”

_I knew you would._

“Thank you,” he would reply, genuinely surprised by the compliment. 

A second paused. Another second. 

“My brother taught me how to play.” 

“Oh, you have a brother?” She winked. “You’ll have to introduce me.”

His eyes glittered with irritation despite the amused laugh that spilled out of him, turning his gaze back to the piano and smiling stiffly.

She crossed over to him, putting her hands on her hips, grabbing his hand in hers before he could start playing the piano again, her thumb brushing over his wrist. “Do I detect even more jealousy at the mere notion of your brother and I getting acquainted, Williame?” His eyes flashed, breath hitched. 

“I am NOT j-jealous,” he snapped, hands shaking slightly, face burning. “Why do you keep saying that? First with that archivist, who’s dating *Lauren*, by the way-“

“I still can’t believe she hasn’t told me that, also, your pulse jumped up,” she said, giving a sly grin.

“Because you give me anxiety,” he fired back, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You didn’t seem very anxious when I said I was Lune,” she retorted, leaning closer to him, eyes flashing a platinum gold.

“Because you’re not, and I know when you’re messing with me,” he snapped, flourishing his hands.

“You understand me so well,” she held a hand to her heart drastically, snickering. 

“Well I don’t understand where your watermelon obsession comes from,” he retorted, scowling, rolling his eyes heavenward as he rose up from his stool and stood up.

“But you understand I have one,” she smirked, looking up at him.

“One what?” His eyes drifted back to hers, momentarily distracted by their proximity, Kym’s figure trapped in between him and the piano, face flushing as he realized just how close they were-

“What-what?” She teased as she stood on her toes and abruptly booped him on the nose. He huffed indignantly, stepping back, hissing as his calf hit the stool, falling backwards-

“Oh!” She exclaimed, as if she just understood the answer, even though the mischief in her eyes proved otherwise, catching him by the suspenders, tugging him back towards her, grinning as his eyebrows furrowed, hands flailing before grabbing onto her hips for leverage, eyes flickering as they concentrated on leveling her challenging stare. “An obsession,” she replied breathlessly, grabbing onto his tie and wrenching him closer with a decisive tug, their faces inches apart, Kym biting her lower lip in anticipation. A second passed.

_{A rush_

_A glance_

_A touch_

_A dance}_

He was done restraining himself.

His lips were on hers in an instant, intense, passionate, desperate. He groaned, eyes falling half lidded as she stared him down, kissing him harder, and they parted for a breath, eyes fluttering closed as they kissed once more in tandem, the kiss feeling so right, so *right*, the world spinning and clarifying all the same as she wrenched him closer, closer, closer.

Williame’s hands tightened their grip on her hips, picking her up and pulling her flush against him as their lips met again. Kym smirked against his mouth, a hand tangling in his blonde hair, and he set her down against the piano, stepping between her legs and kissing her harder, groaning against her mouth, eyebrows furrowing. “Hawkes,” she growled, capturing his lower lip between her teeth, eliciting a desperate gasp from him, “I think .. we have.. company,” she breathed.

His eyes flew open, pulling away from her abruptly to see his father walking in, pausing, his eyes narrowed, face hardened into a deep, disapproving, disgusted scowl.

His heart raced, looking back down at Kym, who’s legs had begun to swing back and forth, dangling over the side of the piano, her eyes flickering with amusement and a hint of mild concern, and then he tore his gaze from her to glare back at his father. 

Time seemed to span out in the space between them, and all he could manage was, “Feeing _uncomfortable_ , father?” with a husky laugh, fear shifting into determination, a blue fire igniting in his eyes. Kym tugged at his tie again, and his eyes flashed back to her lips hungrily. He was done caring what his father thought of him.

He forced his lips on hers again, ravenously running a hand down her thigh, and the piano gave a soft *plunk* at the motion, pressing onto the keys with his other fingers, a few notes going off as he gripped the side of the piano beside her for balance, her leg hooking around his waist, dipping her down against the piano, her hands leaving his hair to twine around his neck. He growled against her lips, “Look at what you’ve done to my self restraint, Ladell.” 

“It’s an improvement, Hawkes,” she retorted, laughing softly against his mouth as she played with his hair absentmindedly, “And it’s especially worth the look on your father’s face.”

His eyes opened, side eyeing and seeing an unhinged and unreadable Stefan turn away, scowling as he wrenched the door open with a guttural growl of pure rage. 

Williame bared his teeth in a scowl, blue eyes flashing, before smirking back at her,”Damn my reputation. I’m sick of being a slave to his social status. I’m tired of sacrificing what I want for my image to stay picture perfect.”

The door slammed shut, ecstasy coursing through him as he heard his father’s footsteps receding. 

“Oh and what is it that you want?” Kym purred, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, swaying slightly as he shifted to kiss the underside of her jaw, down the side of her neck, her breaths turning ragged as she continued,” To ..tarnish your image.. by kissing your Sergeant instead of some ..rrrich girl to get the sah-ah...satisfaction of defying your fa- *ah* - ..father- hhng-“ She challenged, stuttering off as his kisses to her neck turned aggressive, nipping at her skin hard enough to leave a mark and eliciting a gasp from her lips.

He kissed her again, eyes shutting tighter as he sighed, “Mm... but that’s not the only reason. Or even the most important one.” He played a few keys on the piano with his free hand, the music drifting through the air, laughing softly under his breath.

“Oh? What do you want the most, then?” She said breathlessly as he placed a kiss to her collarbone, her hands tugging his tie, his hair, driving him insane. 

“You really don’t know?” he whispered, leaning up to kiss behind her ear, eyes opening. 

“Enlighten me, Williame,” she said, staring at him, shivering at the intensity of his gaze.

Oh, the things she did to him- the way she said his name in a mocking but playful tone- the way she knew so much more than it ever seemed and the mischievous glint in her eyes as she danced around subject to subject, the way no one told her what to do and when they tried, she defied them anyways. 

“* _You_ *,” he rasped, turning his head and biting onto her earlobe, growling, “I want _you_ . I _need_ you.” 

She fell silent, eyes widening. Kym Ladell, the woman who was never afraid to wield her weapons of wit, willpower, and words to her advantage, who never missed a shot and never missed a snappy remark or a playful jest, had fallen silent at his confession. Incredible. “Are you sure?” She whispered, tilting her head back to look at him, her eyes wavering.

No more restraining himself. No more half truths and unspoken words. 

_{A look in somebody's eyes}_

“I love you, Kym Ladell,” he whispered, and felt suddenly shy, scared, terrified she would leave and never come back, but for once his words felt freeing instead of restrictive, no longer in control but exhilarating with the pure honesty, the truth told on his tongue... freedom.... “You don’t have to feel the same-“ he started, and realized that, too, was true, for no matter how she felt he’d always be devoted to her-

Forbidden from even feeling anything for her…. Even if she never loved him, he’d always cherish their forbidden friendship, no matter how hard Stefan tried to take it from him.

_{To light up the skies}_

She sniffed, eyes filling with tears, wiping one away from her face angrily, “I-oh, Williame, you frustrating fool, of course I-“ 

_{To open the world and send it reeling}_

He didn’t need any more confirmation. 

_{A voice that says, I'll be here_

_And you'll be alright}_

He grabbed onto her face with both hands, staring at her intently, her eyelashes fluttering as her eyes closed, exhaling softly, nodding in unspoken consent, and as her lips parted, he captured them in his, happiness surging through the both of them. 

{ _I don't care if I know_

_Just where I will go}_

Their rhythm shifted, every touch a surging symphony of sensation, the song of a stopwatch finally freed from its pause, allowed to start and go on, grow and bloom like a sunflower in spring. 

_{'Cause all that I need's this crazy feeling}_

“Give me everything you’ve got, Hawkes,” she purred, tugging at his tie until it loosened, his eyes hungrily roving over her face as his hands gripped onto her thighs, gasping as he carried her over to the couch on the far side of the room, stumbling over and pinning her down, knee pressing against the space between her thighs. He silenced her moan with his lips, tongues tangling as his hands pawed for purchase. She tangled a hand in his hair, and his leg wrapped around hers, tugging Kym on top of him, kissing her fiercely, hips shifting up against hers. She pinned down his chest with a hand and his hand tangled in her short midnight blue curls, wrenching her closer and biting onto her lower lip aggressively, passionately, tugging it until her nails clawed at him. 

"You drive me insane,” Williame rasped. 

_{A rat-tat-tat on my heart}_

“What are you going to do about it?” She breathed.

“Oh, you are my subordinate, so I’m afraid I’ll have to punish you for it,” he growled, even though his face flushed red. * _Heavens, what has gotten into me? I-*_

“My, my, Williame, didn’t know you had it in you,” she purred, brushing her hair back out of her face and raising an eyebrow, smirking.

His thoughts distorted with desire, and she let out a surprised laugh as he rose up, pinning her down against the couch instead, hand pinning down her thigh as he sputtered against her mouth, “Agh-again...” he grabbed onto her leg, tugging it against him, her ankle hooking over his hip as he deepened their kiss, letting out a muffled whimper against her mouth as her tongue softly brushed against his, feeling her flush against him. Her hands grabbed onto his face, dipping back against the couch as he languorously kissed her again and again, kissed fluctuating between passionate and a bit aggressive and soft and luxurious. “Oh, Williame,” she whispered as they switched positions again, Kym straddling him as his thumbs hooked in her belt loops, tugging her hips against his, feeling every curve and angle pressed against him despite the fabric separating their skin from skin. “...Kym-mmm,” he growled out, a delicate gasp falling from his lips, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes squeezed shut, tugging her head towards his neck, throwing his head back as her lips met the curve of his neck. “Mm, yes,” he cursed under his breath. “God, yes.” 

Her hands went to his shirt, fiddling with the buttons to it, but he grabbed her wrists with both hands, moving her hands down to his hips, forcing her face closer to his. His eyes slid open, half lidded and blue as the sky, seeing Kym bite her lower lip, her face reddened, eyes narrowed, light blooming in them like a sunflower bloomed in the spring. 

“Ah, ah, ah, Ladell,” he teased.

“Don’t restrain yourself,” Kym snapped breathlessly, hands caging him in. He looked up at her, blowing a golden lock of hair out of his face, running a tongue over the top of his lips. 

“Allow me,” he said, tilting his head back to expose his neck, letting go of her hands to unbutton his shirt, button by button. Her breath hitched, and she sat back on her heels, still straddling him, as he lifted up enough to tear the shirt from his shoulders, tossing it to the side. He laid back down, grabbing Kym’s shirt collar and roughly forcing her lips to his, her hands free to roam over his bare skin, her touch a burning sensation, like being kissed by the spring sun after enduring the harshest of winters, the warmth of a hearth, the heat that thawed even the most frigid of ice, her eyes shining like sunlight, his legs spreading slightly to accommodate her figure between them, bending over to kiss him, his hand tangled in her hair, his other hand grabbing roughly onto her collar. The stars watched on as his subconscious struggled to imagine how those lips would feel on his, how those hands would feel on his skin, but the stars were of the night, and Kym was brighter than all of them. 

However, the sun only dallied in the day, and despite how brightly the light of the starlit sea of the sky shone, or how illuminated the moon seemed, the night simply could not supply the sensations of the sun. She was his daylight, no matter how much it burned, or how on days the clouds seemed to conceal it, she would always be there, and he could not live without her company, no matter how chaotic it could be, Kym reminded him of what it felt like to be truly _free_...

_{Think I want it to stay}_

…. Birdsong and blue skies of the day, gold and blue were they, yet caught in a dream, it all ….

...dissolved…..

….away…

He startled awake, a viselike grip on his shoulder shaking him back to his senses. 

“Son. You really shouldn’t lose sleep playing this silly instrument,” Stefan’s cruel gaze made of daggers of ice fixating on him. 

“hmm..wha-...,” Williame lifted his head from the piano keys, his hair tousled as he blinked the sleep from his eyes, groaning as he sat upright, wiping a bit of drool that had escaped from his mouth whilst sleeping. 

“23 years of raising you, and yet when you awake from slumber you still act like a babbling fool. Get up, Williame, and go to your bedroom. Sleeping on a piano is bad for your posture, and I can’t imagine it’s comfortable.”

Williame bit back the retort on his tongue, but if he had his way he would’ve snapped. “ _Since when have you cared about my comfort?”_

But Stefan would only say something along the lines of _“I don’t. I just care about your success in order to carry on my legacy.”_

Stefan stared at him sternly, arms crossed, imposing and intimidating, an eyebrow raised, barking out, “Well?”

_{City of Stars}_

“I’m sorry, sir.” Williame flinched, getting up, rolling his shoulders and straightening them, pushing back his hair from his face, pushing back his sleeves and adjusting his loosened tie, wearily making his way around his father, yawning into his hand. He quickly left the room, trudging up the stairs and quietly shutting the door to his bedroom behind him, sinking to the floor and covering his face with his hands, suppressing a groan of frustration as he tilted his head back. His hands fell away, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked out the window, the stars still shining on. Soon it would be dawn , and he could go back to work, he could see _her_ again… he always did what was expected of him, but Kym didn’t expect anything of him, just saw him for who he was… 

_{Are you shining just for me?}_

He sighed, tilting his head back, running his hand through his hair restlessly, tugging off his tie and throwing it to the side of the room, fighting back the rush of tears threatening to rise. 

_{City of Stars}._

“I must keep on pretending,” he whispered. 

_{You never shined so brightly}_

Another day, another dream. 

  
_{Here’s to the fools who dream}_

**Author's Note:**

> Crying in the club because of KyWi now but it was so worth it 😌✌️
> 
> Soleil Spice? More like Subconscious Suffering
> 
> Many more Soleil Spice works by more writers to come! ✨ 👀


End file.
